


you are something i should do without (but i won't)

by margaeries



Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, I just want Amy to have fun and feel hot because she is, Jealous Jonah, Light Angst, Pining, also Amy/Garrett friendship is important to me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25938238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margaeries/pseuds/margaeries
Summary: She's spiky and observant and he desperately wants to ask how she knows Amy, but he doesn't know how to without sounding nosy.Rosa is tapping her foot, her arms crossed over her chest. Jonah can't help himself, of course he can't; before he can stop them, the words are spilling out.(In which Jonah has a lot of Feelings™, Garrett is a surprisingly good friend, and Amy is connecting with new people, but most importantly, with herself.)
Relationships: Amy Dubanowski & Garrett McNeill, Amy Dubanowski & Jonah Simms, Amy Dubanowski/Jonah Simms, Amy Dubanowski/Original Female Character, Dina/Garrett if you squint
Comments: 18
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Under the Table" by Banks.
> 
> An AU where Amy doesn't date Alex the beverage guy.
> 
> Rosa is not truly an original character, because she's basically Rosa Diaz from B99 (but not a cop and living in St. Louis). This was almost a crossover, but I couldn't figure out the logistics.
> 
> This is Jonah-centric, despite the relationship tag, because I like getting in his head. It gets a little angsty in parts; I love pain, clearly.

"Hey, Amy's not answering her phone so could you get her for me?"

Garrett looks up from his own phone to see a stern but beautiful woman staring down at him impatiently.

"I could _potentially_ do that... if I knew who you were?"

Jonah is behind him, fiddling with the go-backs, and upon hearing Amy's name spoken by an unfamiliar voice, he turns around.

"You don't _need_ to know who I am, you just need to get Amy. Rest assured that she knows me, okay?" Her tone is biting.

"Sure, because everything about your demeanour is very reassuring. For all I know, you could be a stalker."

"If I was stalking her or planning on murdering her, why would I make myself known to her colleagues?"

Garrett shrugs. "Fair point, but you're the only one talking about murder here. Could I at least get a name so she can know who's asking for her?"

The woman rolls her eyes, sighs heavily and pushes through gritted teeth, "Rosa."

"There, that wasn't so hard." Garrett turns on the intercom, his voice booming through the store. "Could the floor supervisor please come to customer service? We've got a Rosa here waiting for you. She's not a murderer, but she would like to know why you're not answering your phone... _while you're working_."

"Come on man, _you_ were literally just on your phone. At least four of your co-workers in my sight have phones in their hands, and one of them's on the register."

"Alright, whatever. I don't care anyway." The whole exchange has just been Garrett's way of killing some time during an otherwise uneventful shift. Jonah is intrigued by the woman, though.

She's spiky and observant and he desperately wants to ask how she knows Amy, but he doesn't know how to without sounding nosy.

Rosa is tapping her foot, her arms crossed over her chest. Jonah can't help himself, of course he can't; before he can stop them, the words are spilling out.

"So, _hey_ , we're friends with Amy, and she's never mentioned a _Rosa_ before. Are you a friend, or like a long-lost cousin or-"

"What, because we're both Latina, we must be related? _What the hell_?"

He splutters and reddens and tries to ignore the sudden malevolent glee emanating from Garrett.

"No! No, that's _not_ what I meant, of course not! _I_ don't think that, I'm _not_ -"

She smiles then, eyes sparkling. "Relax, dude. She's right, you are _way_ too easy to wind up. You must be Jonah."

"Uh-huh, yeah, that's me." As his cheeks cool, some locked-away part of him registers that Amy talks to people about him outside of work, and he needs to examine that later, when he's alone.

"Yo, I'm Garrett. Anyone who can mess with Iceman like that is alright in my book." He nods at her, re-evaluating.

Rosa returns his nod and then addresses Jonah again. "If Amy's never mentioned me, that's fine. Then you don't need to know."

"Know what? _Heeey_ , Rosa! Girl, I wasn't expecting you to turn up here!"

Jonah recognises her voice; it's the one Amy uses when she's trying to pretend that she's in control of a situation that's escaping her. He's reminded of her Golden Globes party, the way she had tried to remain calm on the surface and how badly she had flailed under the water, an anxious duck.

Amy's eyes dart between him and Garrett and Rosa, this interloper in their workplace.

"You weren't answering your phone, and I had the afternoon free so I thought I'd come see you. Check to see if we're still on for later, because I managed to book-"

"Yeah, of course! Hey, I'm on my break right now, so why don't we go and talk outside, grab a drink or something?"

Amy grabs Rosa's arm and steers her towards the exit. Jonah just hears Rosa's bemused reply of " _Okay..._ " before they're both out the door. He turns to Garrett. 

"So that was weird, right?"

"Nah, not really. She was hot, though. I don't recall Amy ever mentioning a hot _cousin_."

He's got that " _you're-ridiculous-but-why-am-I-surprised_ " look on his face again, and for the hundredth time, Jonah sighs in defeat and wonders when the universe will stop putting Garrett in his path whenever he embarrasses himself.

"Well, maybe Amy can give you her number, although, I don't really think you impressed her very much."

"Says you, Mr _All Latinas Are Related_. She caught me off-guard, that's all. Maybe I _will_ ask Amy for her number, maybe I won't."

" _Sure_ , sure you will." He knows he's needling, but Garrett deserves it after his earlier pleasure at Jonah's faux-pas.

"Well, you can take that tone out of your voice."

"What tone? There's no tone. I bet she'd _love_ to go on a date with you."

"Yeah? Alright, I bet she does. Ten bucks, in fact."

"Why stop there? Why not twenty if you can get a second date?"

"Alright, I'm in."

"What? No, wait, I wasn't being _serious_! It feels wrong to bet on a woman's dating choices."

"Hey, you started this, I'm just finishing it. You in?"

"I... _guess_?" He's hesitant, dubious about what it means for him as a feminist ally, but he also can't help the buzz that goes through him at the thrill of a bet being laid down. _Whatever_ , he thinks, he'll probably lose anyway and it will serve him right for gambling; Garrett can charm most women.

***

Jonah is on his break the next day, scrolling through his Twitter timeline when Garrett wheels into the break room, throws down a twenty dollar bill at him, then starts to leave.

"Hey, what's this? Admitting defeat so easily?"

"I'm not asking her out. Let's just leave it at that and go about our day, shall we?"

But Jonah's never seen Garrett like this, so ready to turn down a challenge to prove himself, so easily swayed off a bet.

"Did Amy refuse to give you her number?"

"Look, drop it, take the win. Buy yourself some artisan granola, really _live_ a little."

Garrett doesn't seem embarrassed about losing the bet. He's deflecting with his usual jibes, sure, but Jonah gets the sense that he's holding back, almost like he's protecting something. _Someone_.

***

Amy finds Jonah in softlines, folding jeans. She's got a strange look on her face. He wonders when he became so attuned to reading her, and how they got _here_ , their interactions at work dwindling to the point that now, there are expressions he cannot place. He knows it's got a lot to do with Kelly, and so he pushes the thought down.

"Hey," she says, softly.

"Hey. Everything okay?"

She's picking at the frayed edges of a hole in some fashionably torn jeans and decidedly _not_ looking at him. He waits, mindful that she definitely has something important to say; she hasn't sought him out in a while, and her body language suggests she is tightly wound and ready to burst.

"Look, I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I figured, I told Garrett, and I'm not ashamed of it, it's _2018_ , so, whatever. I've kind of been seeing Rosa, and I don't know if she's my _girlfriend_ but I like her. I like men _and_ women. So now you know, but I would appreciate you keeping it to yourself, because I've had enough of this whole place knowing everything there is to know about my love life. Thanks."

Her words come out in what seems like a single breath, and she's turned away on her heels before he can even pick his jaw back up off the floor.

***

Somehow, they've avoided each other all day and it's only at the end of their shift when he catches her. She's getting her things from her locker; the break room is empty and now seems as good a chance as he's going to get.

"Amy."

He hates that his voice sounds so pleading, so _needy_ , but it's too late for that. In any case, it works, because she stops in the action of locking up, meeting his stare and then quickly looking away. She finishes her task and then turns to him, her car keys clenched tightly in her fist.

" _What_ , Jonah?"

"I just wanted to say, um, I'm honoured that you trust me enough to tell me. And that, of course, your secret is safe with me."

She releases a long breath, her shoulders dropping.

"It's not a secret. Yeah, I didn't have to tell Garrett, but he was asking for her number and I thought, _why lie_? He was really cool about it, so I thought maybe I could tell you too, since you've kinda met Rosa. But I'm not hiding anything, I just don't need people at work all up in my business."

"Of course, I get it. So, how did the two of you meet?"

Jonah wants to be there for her, wants to be the friend he used to be before their feelings got messy and complicated. It's getting harder these days to keep his 'Amy' emotions tamped down, though; they are cumbersome and confusing, all-consuming if he gives them room to breathe. He saves that particular task for the dead of night, in those rare instances when he's feeling brave, when the world quietens and he can finally allow himself to wonder: _what if?_

What if their crushes had somehow lined up? What if he had been more honest with himself, with her, back when she had first announced her divorce? What if they had actually talked properly after her revelation in the break room and he hadn't run from her, scared of all the possibilities, half-shocked, half-triumphant at the bombshell that she had once felt even a fraction of what he ( _still_ ) felt for her? What then?

It is a sort of sweet torture to imagine all of these forbidden scenarios, snapshots of alternate timelines. Jonah isn't courageous enough to do it very often, but when he does, he aches, savouring the pain, hating himself while his girlfriend sleeps, blissfully unaware of his self-imposed ordeal. And now, something inside of him is breaking because Amy's finally ready to date someone and it's not him. But he's with Kelly and he has no place to talk, so instead, he will _listen_. He owes her that at the very least.

"Her grandmother is my neighbour. A couple weeks ago, I saw the old lady struggling with some groceries, so I offered to help her put them away. Rosa came to visit while I was there, and we just... hit it off, I guess."

Of course Amy helps elderly neighbours with their shopping, because that's her to a T: kind and caring and thoughtful. His heart clenches. He wants to give her something back, in exchange for her trust in him.

"I, um, I've dated guys before. I always knew I was bi, even in high school, but I only felt comfortable in myself once I was at college."

Their eyes connect, and Jonah feels vulnerable for a second. Her gaze is warm though, and the feeling passes.

" _Really_? So we were both closeted bisexuals during high school? God, we really _would_ have been friends, wouldn't we?"

He laughs as she cringes, knowing it's all in jest. He knows that he would have liked her even then.

"I guess it's just one more part of me that I never got to explore once I married Adam. I even felt like a fraud labelling myself in my head because I was married to a man. But I'm taking it back now, and it feels _good_."

Jonah smiles at her fondly. It feels good to be open about his own experiences, too. He has never tried to actively hide his sexuality at work, but he doesn't feel the need for everyone to know, either. It just so happens to be the case that he's only dated women in St. Louis; possibly because he's been trying to get over one woman in particular.

"Well, I'm happy for you. Hey, does Emma know?"

Amy's face falls a little.

"I haven't told her. Or Adam. Of course she was raised to be open and accepting, but it's different when it's your own mom, and your parents just got divorced. I don't know how she'll take it and I just don't want to unsettle her any further. Besides, it's not like it's a serious relationship yet, so it seems a little premature, you know?"

"So Adam didn't know all this time?" He hopes that there is no judgement in his voice. He thinks about how she seems to trust him more than her own ex-husband and how that warms him in a way that it shouldn't.

"It just never came up. I mean, sometimes, I'd casually mention how hot an actress was while watching a movie, but you know, _everyone_ thinks Angelina Jolie is hot, so no big deal. I bet we even crushed on the same cheerleader at school at some point, but once we got married, that was it. Emma took over my whole world, I had to change and grow up so fast..."

She appears to be reasoning with herself. 

"He's not homophobic, I do believe that, but he is... _Adam_. It would probably make him feel less of a man if he knew that the first person I'm properly dating after him is a woman."

Jonah stays quiet, lips pressed tight. He has never had a problem with Adam personally, but the man's treatment of Amy has always rankled him. It doesn't feel like he's earned the right to criticise her ex-husband though, no matter how much he wants to let rip, so Jonah keeps his scathing opinions to himself.

"Wow, it's getting late, I need to get home. Adam's dropping Emma off in an hour." Amy hops off the table she's been perched on and shoulders her bag.

"Yeah, I should head off too, I'm taking Kelly to dinner."

" _Oh_. Oh, yeah, enjoy." She turns away from him, before he can catch the look on her face, but he doesn't need to see it to know exactly what she's thinking.

So it's _still_ going to be like this between them then, even with all of the day's newfound openness.

"Thanks for telling me. About Rosa," he says to her back as she walks away. 

"Thanks for listening. See you tomorrow, Jonah."

***

The break room is buzzing when he comes in and takes a seat a few days later. Of course, his eyes find Amy, sitting in the middle of the commotion, the queen bee, looking like she wants the ground to swallow her whole.

"Hey, Jonah! Get a load of this - Amy's dating someone and it _isn't_ me or you! Can you believe it?"

He almost chokes on his green smoothie. Marcus gestures between them, a betrayed expression painting his features. 

"Why would it be one of us, that's so stupid, _ridiculous_ , I'm with-" He looks anywhere but at her, but is saved by Mateo interrupting him. For once, he's grateful.

"So you've really decided that you're too good for my cousin, Amy? Who, once you factor in his lack of adult acne, is a total 5!"

"Yeah, Amy, I bet Castor would've had some really good horse stories. Plus you clearly need to get laid, like, _yesterday_ ," Cheyenne so helpfully pipes up.

"Open your eyes, Cheyenne! She's obviously getting some already. Note the lack of tension in her shoulders, her relaxed gait. Hell, even her skin and hair are glowing."

"Thank you, Dina... I guess? But this whole conversation is both unnecessary and inappropriate."

"You're welcome, Amy. As your best friend though, I'm a little disappointed that you haven't introduced me to this mystery man yet. Is he horribly disfigured in some way?" Dina lowers her voice and throws a furtive glance at Amy. "Because even if he is, there's no need to feel ashamed, okay? Some of the best sex I ever had was with a guy who had a knife scar bisecting his face. You've just gotta find a way to not look at it during. We got _pretty_ creative, I can tell ya!"

"No knife scars, so no need to worry."

"We could double-date! There's a few guys I've been meaning to call back, so I'm gonna need some specifications on _your_ guy, and then we can get some variety going. Ha, wouldn't that be awkward, if we turned up with similar-looking dates?" Dina chuckles to herself, her imagination providing her with endless entertainment. 

"Yeah, _awkward_."

"That's great that you're dating, Amy. Getting back out there, huh?" Jonah clears his throat, hopes his voice is behaving. He feels like he's lost his balance, that somehow the world has shifted, even though this is not brand-new information to him. Perhaps it's because once their colleagues get involved, it all becomes real and chaotic and a concrete _thing_ that he can't deny is actually happening.

"Yeah. Thanks." She can only meet his eyes for a fleeting moment.

"What's it like having sex with someone that's not your husband, Amy? Weren't you married for, like, _twenty_ years?" Corey chimes in, and everyone turns to look at Amy expectantly once again, but before she can furiously tell them all to butt out, Garrett speaks up for the first time since Jonah walked in on the scene.

"I know _your_ lives are so boring that Amy's dry-ass, vanilla sex life seems exciting in comparison, but _I_ saw the raccoon eat an ice cream cone like a person on my way in, and I have photos to prove it."

Everyone gathers around to see the pictures on Garrett's phone and Amy is forgotten. She wears relief like a warm coat, looking so nakedly grateful to Garrett that Jonah vows to be extra quiet this weekend, and maybe even make dinner with ingredients that Garrett might actually want to try. But then he remembers that he lives with Kelly now and Garrett has his spare room back and Amy is still in a box marked " _DO NOT OPEN_ ".

She is dating and she is happy and so he tries to focus on that and not the tightness that is rapidly building in his chest.

***

"That was a nice thing you did for Amy, earlier."

'Whatever. I'm just bored of talking about Amy all the damn time."

"Hey, do you want to hang out tonight? Kelly's got a dance class and I was thinking of trying this new recipe-"

"That sounds _truly_ mind-blowing, but no, I've got plans. Amy and Rosa are over at my place, and we gon' get our game on."

His heart stutters, but Jonah recovers quicker than he thought he could.

"Oh, right. Really?"

"Yeah, Rosa's got the new BloodQuest game and Amy's bringing pizza, so how could I resist?"

"Fun. That sounds fun."

"Yeah. She's totally my ideal woman, you know, apart from the fact that she's a lesbian." He takes in the look on Jonah's face. "Hey man, if you really want to hang out, you can come, but not if you're gonna be all ' _awkward Jonah_ ' about things."

"No, it's fine. I've got some podcasts that I need to catch up on, so I will just do that."

"Yeah, sounds about right," Garrett sniffs. "You do you, though."

***

When he walks out at the end of his shift, Jonah finds Amy sitting in one of the patio chairs, hands clutching her coffee cup.

"This day has been long. Too long."

Even though she sounds a little weary, Dina's right; she seems to be glowing, softer all of a sudden, like he's viewing her face through a voile curtain. He takes the seat next to hers.

"Yeah, tell me about it." He's spent the day working hard to avoid Marcus trying to plot with him against Amy's new "man", Sandra and Justine discussing 'Team Jonah' t-shirts, and worst of all, Kelly's obvious delight at Amy being single no more.

"I hear you're hanging out with Garrett tonight."

"Yeah, trust me, no-one is as shocked as I am. But he heard that Rosa's got this new game he really wants, and she's got all the VR stuff, so he's willing to put up with me if it means he gets to play all night. And I mean, I guess it's nice to have somewhere we can be open. Rosa gets why I'm being careful, but I don't want her to think I'm hiding her or something; I'm not ashamed of her."

"Of course not. You shouldn't be, she seems awesome. And you know that Garrett cares about you, he's not just doing this because he gets something out of it. He's your friend. We want you to be happy, Ames, don't forget that."

She's not usually one for heartfelt sentiments, but her expression softens along with his, and his breath catches in his throat and _damn it_ , why does she always do this to him? Her face should not take him by surprise anymore and yet here he is, just as mesmerised as he had been on his first day, under the green glow of plastic stars.

"I know. _Thank you_." She smiles that mega-watt grin that simultaneously lights up the room and ruins him, and he wants to bottle it up so he can take it out to bask in its warmth whenever he chooses, all to himself.

"Hey, you can come too, if you'd like. I'm sure Garrett would love to thoroughly destroy you at BloodQuest. I just _know_ you would suck _so_ bad, and I wanna be there to see it!"

Later, he will kick himself for being so casually cruel, for piercing her smile so effortlessly with a simple lie.

"I would love to but Kelly and I are having a quiet night in, so, another time, maybe."

The thing is, Amy's frown hurts _him_. Jonah knows he isn't being kind to her, or to himself; hell, he isn't being a good _boyfriend_ using Kelly like this to score... what exactly? A cheap shot? A way to remind her that he is also " _getting some_ "? Maybe he just wants her to feel a little bit of the frustration that he feels, maybe he's lying to himself and seeing her happy from afar isn't enough for him anymore, will never quite be enough.

They've both moved on, crawling away from the battlefield of _them_ with their hearts somewhat intact, but he will always be drawn right back to survey the smoking wreckage, to wonder what victories could have been. He knows that she feels it too: that urge to return and poke at the bullet holes to check if anything has survived. She might not feel it to the same extent that he does, but he knows her well enough after all this time to recognise that, occasionally, her desires seem to align with his. Neither has lost, but no-one has won, and it is an utterly, utterly pointless war.

" _Oh_. Well, my ride is here, so I'll see you tomorrow." She stands as a car pulls up, Rosa in the driving seat. Amy gets in and puts on her seat belt, briefly catching Jonah's eye through the window; her expression is unreadable once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really just here writing anything that comes into my head now. What if Amy kind of ignored the Jonah/Kelly situation and started dating a Rosa Diaz stand-in instead? Sure, why not, let's go with that. Thanks, brain.  
> This is a one-shot for now, but if I can find the inspiration, I may add an Amy POV follow-up chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Amy has a problem. For the first time in forever, she’s actually happy. Like, pinch yourself to see if it’s real, happy. It creeps up on her, barely noticeable at first, until one Sunday morning, she wakes up from a dreamless sleep and realises that she can’t remember the last time she had slept so well.

Rosa stirs next to her, adorably grinding her face into her pillow to shut out the sunlight streaming into the room; she is decidedly not a morning person.

They have started to spend weekends together, casual and calm, and it all feels so easy. They go for coffee, watch movies, and check in on Maria, Rosa’s abuela. The woman has become fond of Amy and always insists on cooking, so a twenty-minute visit inevitably ends up turning into staying for dinner, but she finds that she doesn’t mind.

The best part of all is Emma. It takes her one minute to see her mom with her new friend to figure out that they are dating, and besides an eye roll when asked if she’s okay with it, her reaction has been positive. Amy thinks it might be because, from Emma’s perspective, Rosa isn’t trying to replace her father. Moreover, Rosa doesn’t really try at all. She is polite and respectful but gives the girl a wide berth, and the teenager in Emma responds well to that. Amy marvels at how accepting and tolerant her little girl has grown up to be, and it gives her hope for that generation, for the future.

Adam, on the other hand, is a slight issue. He has not taken kindly to Rosa, but it has a lot more to do with his hurt towards Amy hiding her sexuality from him during their years of marriage than a genuine dislike of the other woman. But Amy knows he’ll come around eventually, and ultimately, she doesn’t need his approval; she never did.

All in all, it’s been an unsettling realisation for Amy to learn that, _yes, actually_ \- she is allowed to get what she wants. Rosa even tries to persuade her to re-enrol for her night classes at the community college, and Amy seriously considers it. Money is still tight, but Adam is finally working, so she figures it’s finally his turn to be financially responsible for the daughter that mostly she has fed and clothed for fourteen years.

Things are going well and she is happy, but the problem is a certain annoying, five-foot-eight colleague at Cloud 9 who continues to run through her mind every now and again, puncturing her newfound peace.

Jonah is still the same, friendly and caring, but she can see new lines around his eyes; can feel new lines between them. At work, Kelly is an ever-present fixture at his side, and Amy wants things to go back to the way they were, before he knew about her crush. There’s a fracture, something stopping their once-easy camaraderie, and she won’t admit it to anybody else, but she desperately misses her best friend.

The staff calm down with the gossip and teasing somewhat once they accept that both Amy and Jonah are in relationships. Sandra still occasionally looks at her like she’s kicked a puppy, but Sandra looks like that most of the time anyway, so Amy deals.

During her shifts, she finds herself hanging out with Garrett more often, mainly because he doesn’t care about the whole ‘Amy and Jonah’ drama. He is tougher to tease than Jonah, but she manages; after their years together, she has enough dirt on him to find some sort of ammunition. Most recently, it’s been Dina that gets the biggest reaction out of him, and a few times, they’ve come dangerously close to actually falling out. Dina is more of a sore spot than Garrett lets on.

***

Trying to ignore the ache in her feet from another long shift, Amy returns yet another go-back cart to customer service. As she draws close, she sees that Jonah is there, talking to Garrett, and though his back is turned, she can tell that he’s tense; he talks intensely, sounding harangued.

“…so please don’t mention any of this to her. I know you hang out a lot these days, but I need to take some time to deal with stuff.”

“If you took any more time, you’d be dead before you made a move. But hey man, I’m not getting involved. This shit’s messy enough without me. I’m happy to watch the car crash, over here with my popcorn.”

“Thank you. I think.”

Jonah begins to walk away but instantly freezes when he sees that Amy is behind him. He looks upset, brows furrowed, stark against his pale complexion. She smiles wanly at him, but for once, he doesn’t return it, instead bowing his head and hurrying straight past her.

“Wow, what’s up with him?” His rejection hurts her, and she doesn’t like how forlorn he looks. It doesn’t suit him, doesn’t sit as well on his face compared to his bright smile or obnoxious smirk or his easy laughter.

“Kelly broke up with him last night. Long time coming, if you ask me. I don’t know how that lasted as long as it did.”

“What?” She can’t name the curious feeling coursing through her all of a sudden, but whatever it is, she knows it’s dangerous.

Garrett gives her an odd stare, seeing way more than he should. He’s strangely perceptive, and usually right, and she doesn’t need his judgement right now. So she abandons the go-backs and turns to follow Jonah.

“Amy.” Garrett calls her back. His tone is full of warning, so she stops.

“Give him some time. And maybe some space. He’s in a weird headspace right now.”

“Why do _you_ care so much?”

“I don’t. But I’m the one who’s got to deal with it later when he’s playing Green Day at full volume and staring at the ceiling.”

“He’s moving back in with you? Well, for someone who apparently doesn’t care, you sure are being a good friend.”

“Amy, I resent that. But I couldn’t let him sleep in his car now, could I? Need I remind you, I almost won an award for my integrity?”

“Well, keep this up and you’ll be on your way to _almost_ winning Friend of the Year, too. Better make some space on that shelf!”

He flips her off before returning to his phone. Amy’s glad though. Jonah will be okay. Garrett’s got him, _amazingly_ , so she can leave him be for a while.

***

Amy’s walking across the store when she’s yanked into one of the aisles with no warning.

“Did you hear the news? Kelly finally grew a backbone and dumped the pretty boy.”

“I did, Dina. I’m sure she had her reasons. Maybe he switched out all of her cereals for overnight oats or something, and she just snapped.”

“That, or it’s painfully obvious to everyone with eyes that he’s never gotten over you. He hasn’t been the same since he found out about your crush. If I was Kelly, I would have gotten revenge by now." She considers. "Probably by sleeping with his brother.”

Amy ignores that last comment. “ _What?_ No, he’s clearly moved on. His crush was a long time ago.”

“Keep telling yourself that if it makes it easier. Look, I don’t see the issue here. He clearly likes you, you still have a crush on him; just bang it out already and see what’s there, or at the very least, scratch that itch. It’s not hard.”

“ _Shh_ , somebody might hear you!" They're alone though, except for an old man perusing their soup offerings. "We’ve discussed this, Dina. I’ve moved on, I’m over it. I’m dating again, aren’t I?”

“Come on Amy, don’t stand there and pretend to me that you’re not even a little bit happy about this? I’m the only one here who knows how recent your crush was, remember? You can fool yourself, but you can’t fool me.”

“Dina! Please! We’ve been through this,” Amy pleads in a whisper, though it comes out as a frantic hiss. She attempts to drag Dina into a more secluded aisle, but fails when the assistant manager’s feet refuse to budge.

“Well, you say you’re over it and that you’re ‘dating’ now, but let’s be real - we’ve never met the guy. I’m starting to think you made him up to avoid dealing with your Jonah problem. That would make you as tragic as Sandra, Amy. _Sandra._ ”

She knows she’s sinking, and that she’s not ready to tell everyone about Rosa yet, but somehow that prospect is less frightening than admitting to Dina (or herself) that her pesky ‘Jonah feelings’ haven’t vanished entirely. It makes her feel awful, like she’s cheating on Rosa in her head; lovely, strange Rosa, who just recently bought her an axe for self-protection against home intruders. Amy has locked it in the tool shed in her backyard, hopefully never to see it again.

“Well here’s the thing, Dina,” Amy sighs, anticipating a headache. “There is no guy, you’re right. But -” Dina’s eyes flash with victory, so Amy hurriedly continues before she can interrupt. “But there is a woman. I’m dating a woman, okay? I just didn’t want the whole store knowing because they’d be all over it.”

Dina nods sagely, impressed. “Well, well, well, Rodriguez. I didn’t know you had it in you. Sure, I had my suspicions; sometimes, you’ve locked eyes with me for too long or stared at my lips too much, and I wondered. Hell, I’ve been curious, even.”

“What? _No_. Look, can we please just be cool about this? You’re only the third person I’ve told here at work, and it’s still pretty new, so…”

“I’m totally cool with it, Amy. You think I haven’t dabbled? When two like minds meet, the genitals don’t matter. I can make it work for me whatever the wrapper.”

“Okay… that’s great, Dina.”

“You know, sometimes I question whether I’d be happier without my attraction to men altogether. They’re all so pathetic and useless and… did you say the _third_ person?

_Oh, fuck._

“Um, did I say that? I meant, _thawed_ person, like, because I thaw your icy heart?”

“Cut the crap, we both know that’s not a real thing normal people say. So who else have you told?”

Amy is resigned. “Just Garrett and Jonah.”

“Garrett knows? I was over at his place a couple of weeks ago and he said nothing. Nada. Wow.”

“That’s good to know. He’s been really supportive, actually. Hold on though – are you and Garrett a thing again?”

“ _God, no_. Remember what I just said about all men? No, it just so happens that my body likes his body and magical things happen when they meet.”

“Ugh, gross.”

“So Jonah knows, eh? That explains a lot.”

“Yeah. I only told them because they happened to be there when Rosa came to the store one day. I would’ve told you first otherwise, honest. Wait, what does it explain?”

“Oh, nothing. Just his general mood the last few weeks, the moping, the trying so hard with Kelly, the way you two haven’t been all over each other at work, and yeah, most probably why Kelly broke up with him.”

_Double fuck._

Jonah can barely look at her these days without a lost, faraway expression, it's true. Sometimes, they appear to have whole conversations from across the break room with just their eyes, stealing glances and averting gazes. Kelly is always right there next to him, and though she dislikes the woman, she respects that he is with her, so she respects that boundary. But now, they aren’t together anymore, and the scene has abruptly shifted, morphing into something new.

“You think Kelly broke up with him because of _me_? I’ve been nowhere near him for weeks! We barely talk anymore!”

“Exactly, Amy. And he’s miserable. Kelly may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but even _she’s_ gonna pick up on that. Good for her, I say. Who wants to be the other woman in your own relationship?”

“That’s ridiculous, Dina, okay? He clearly liked her enough to go out with her, to move in with her, let’s not forget! They seemed pretty serious.”

“And I bet it just ate you up inside, didn’t it?”

“You’re enjoying this a little too much for someone who claims to be my best friend.” Dina has hit a nerve, though. Yes, the relationship has never sat right with Amy, but mainly because she doesn’t think they are a good match. It’s not because she still harbours feelings for him, or imagines sometimes how it could be between them – it’s definitely not that.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? He wasn’t single, and now he’s free, but now _you’re_ not single! Boy oh boy, is your timing bad!” She pats Amy roughly on the shoulder and leaves her in the canned goods aisle, heart and mind racing.

***

Rosa picks her up at the end of her shift and they head to P.F Chang’s to pick up some dinner. Amy is craving dumplings, and she can already taste them. She’s in a good mood; Adam has called her to apologise for his poor reaction to Rosa, and she accepts that he seems to be growing up a little. Living alone and learning how to fend for himself after a lifetime of being catered to in every way is all it has taken. But she is grateful, hopeful that he can set a better example for their daughter, that they can both show her how their separation doesn't stop them from being good parents.

Emma has landed a major role in her school production, and Amy’s heart is bursting with pride. When Emma was younger, they would dress up and sing show tunes in the living room, and this development just makes her reminiscent and nostalgic for her daughter’s rapidly-departing childhood.

There is a lot of good feeling in the air, and it’s what makes her turn to Rosa at the counter and kiss her, stroking her cheek. Rosa isn’t a huge fan of PDA, but she smiles down at Amy anyway.

“You’re chirpy. What happened?”

“What, am I not allowed to kiss my girlfriend when I think she looks cute?”

“I refuse to be called ‘cute’, Amy, you know that. And actually, you’re usually grumpier than I am after work, and that’s saying something.”

“Well, I’m not grumpy now, okay. I just wanted to kiss you.”

“So, go on then.”

She laughs and reaches for Rosa once again, but stops in her tracks because, unexpectedly, Jonah is there, in P.F Chang’s, car keys in hand and a startled expression on his panda face. Rosa turns around to see what has Amy looking like she’s just seen a ghost.

“Oh, hey Jonah.”

“Hey, Rosa. Amy.” He nods and smiles and she feels the tension coil around them. She wonders if Rosa can feel it, too.

“Chang's kinda night for you, too?”

“Yeah, Garrett ordered kung pao chicken and I felt like a drive, so I offered to pick up.”

He hasn’t actually spoken to Rosa since that first time in the store. Amy asks him to hang out sometimes, when she forgets that they’re not close anymore, but he’s always busy doing something weird or wacky, and so she stops inviting him. It’s almost like he’s pretending that Rosa doesn’t exist.

There’s an uncomfortable silence in which Amy avoids looking at Jonah, and Rosa is looking at her, bemused. So she _has_ picked up on the tension.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. Enjoy the rest of your night.” He turns to leave.

“Aren’t you going to get your food?” Rosa is amused by his awkwardness.

“Yeah! Of course, that is what I came here to do.” He taps on the counter and waits and there is another loaded silence, long enough to make Amy have second thoughts about how much she really needs dumplings tonight. She realises that she hasn’t spoken a word since Jonah walked in. Nothing she could say would ease the strain anyway, so she turns to inspect the other diners instead.

When they’ve all been handed their takeout, Jonah opens the door for them. Rosa is already two steps ahead, wanting to get home quickly enough that they don’t have to reheat the food. As she exits, Amy brushes past Jonah with the slightest of touches, and there is a spark of electricity that passes through him to her. He jumps at the contact and strokes his neck nervously, his cheeks reddening. It’s cute. _He’s_ cute.

Her life is finally supposed to be free of complications. But God, he is cute – and she is supposed to be happy.

***

It’s game night but Rosa can’t make it. She’s been staying later at work these days, and Amy can tell there’s something going on. She wants to ask, wants to push for answers, but Rosa is not such an easy nut to crack. She doesn’t react well to that kind of interrogation, so Amy lets it go, hoping that she will talk when she is good and ready.

She still needs the blood and violence of video games to unwind though, so she turns up at Garrett’s apartment, hands full with Clan Wars 3 and a couple of six-packs.

To her shock, Jonah answers the door. He’s wearing a grey t-shirt that looks soft and cosily worn, and his hair is less tamed than usual, a subtle disarray of dark curls. It takes her by surprise, how vulnerable and open he appears, and how much she likes this side of him.

She has completely forgotten that he is once again Garrett’s roommate.

“You’re making a bad habit of turning up wherever I go.”

“Good evening to you too, Amy. And this is where I live, so technically _you’re_ the one doing the turning up unexpectedly.” He isn’t surprised by her appearance, though, his eyes travelling down to the game and beer in her hands.

“Garrett popped out for a second, said Randy had an emergency. He’ll be back if you want to come and wait inside.”

“Well, I’m not just gonna sit on the doorstep all night, am I?” She rolls her eyes and pushes past him.

It’s the most they’ve spoken to each other in weeks.

Amy deposits her things on the coffee table before removing her coat. He instantly takes it to hang it up and their hands touch for the briefest of seconds. He is warm and she wants to lean into the contact. It is over before it begins.

“Well, I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

“Really, Jonah? You’re just gonna scuttle off to your room? Come and have a beer with me.”

He looks like he wants to argue against it, but instead he takes a couple of the bottles and goes to search for a bottle opener. When he returns from the kitchen, her feet are up on the coffee table and her eyes are closed.

“You know Garrett hates people putting their shoes on the table.”

“Well, Garrett’s not here, so let me have this.” She takes her boots off anyway, though, her socked feet leaving her feeling oddly exposed. He hands her a beer and perches on the far edge of the couch. He’s nervous, but of _what_ , she doesn’t know. Their friendship has never been this exhausting, this _hard_ before.

They drink in silence; when Amy glances over at him, he is fiddling with the bottle label. She suddenly finds that she has had enough of this.

“Have I done something to upset you, Jonah?”

That startles him out of his reverie, and he reluctantly addresses her.

“No, of course not. What makes you say that?”

“Well, you can barely stand to be in the same room as me anymore. You don’t hang out when I invite you. You don’t even talk to me at work. And honestly? It kind of sucks.” There’s nowhere near enough beer in her system that she should be this honest, but the bitterness spills like an oil slick and she is unable to stem the flow.

“Wait, _I_ do those things? You’re the one who’s been avoiding me for weeks now!”

“Yeah, but only because you’ve been avoiding _me_! Two can play at that game.”

“What game are we playing, Amy? Because I wasn’t aware of it. Are you gonna tell me the rules, or just make them all up as you go along so you can win?”

“Oh, that’s real mature. Grow up, Jonah.”

“Well, _you’re_ hardly Responsible Adult of the Year!”

It’s a low blow and it hurts. He looks like he wants to take it back, but it hangs in the air.

“Maybe I should leave.”

She starts to get up, reaches for her phone and keys, but he is hastily contrite, all the fight knocked out of him.

“No, wait, Amy, don’t go, _please_. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean that, you know I didn’t.”

“I can’t read your mind Jonah, so I don’t know jack.”

“You wouldn’t want to read my mind, trust me,” he says darkly, mumbling under his breath, and she contemplates when he became so jaded.

“Why are we fighting? I don’t understand.”

“I … don’t know. I don’t want to fight with you, Amy. You are so… _important_ to me, did you know that?”

Her eyes widen at his statement. She finds she can’t meet his gaze, scared of what she will discover in his expression.

“No, I didn’t know that.” Her voice is low, barely audible.

“Honestly, you’re my closest friend and it sucks for me too, that we’ve been so distant.”

So he thinks of them as just friends, nothing more; that’s good to know. _Why is that good to know?_

“I’ve not been in a great place, recently. I mean, mentally. I’m trying to deal with some things, and it’s just been hard for me at work, okay?”

He looks so helpless that she wants to press him to her chest and stroke his hair, like she would with Emma when she’s upset. Her hands almost reach for him, almost smooth back an errant curl from his forehead. It would be far too intimate an action, though.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I wish you would talk to me, let me in, and maybe I could actually be there for you.”

“Kelly broke up with me.”

“I heard. But not from you.”

“No.”

“Why, Jonah? Is this about the whole crush thing? Because I thought we were over that, we’ve both moved on, _right_?”

He seems to close himself off, and it’s like a light has gone out. It breaks her heart a little.

“Of course. You have Rosa, and I have… well, no-one right now, but hey, who knows, right? Maybe I should download Tinder again.”

He’s trying too hard to be light and she can see the effort it’s costing him.

“You don’t have no-one, _stupid_ , you’ve still got me. Yes, I obviously spend a lot of my free time with Rosa, but that doesn’t mean it can’t go back to how it was at work.”

“Back to … how it was? Yeah, we can do that. I can do that.”

“Tell me something; have you really been listening to Green Day in your room? Because Garrett won’t stop going on about it.”

“Actually, no.” He smiles at her, his first real smile of the night, and she’s so thrilled to see it, releases a breath that she didn’t realise she was holding. “It’s Fall Out Boy. _Take This to Your Grave_ , mostly.”

She laughs and throws a cushion at him, ducking when he retaliates. They hear the key in the door and straighten the cushions again. Amy stands up without thinking, feeling like she’s been caught out. Jonah stands too, echoing her.

“What are you two up to? I hope you haven’t scuffed up my mahogany with those boots, Amy,” exclaims Garrett, tossing his keys on said coffee table.

“Don’t be silly. What did Randy want?”

“He had a girl problem; I solved it. All in a night’s work.” He sees the game on the table.

“Nice one, Amy. Is this Rosa’s?” She nods. “I gotta use the bathroom, so why don’t you set up? I’ve seen a few Let’s Play videos and the graphics are out of this world.”

“Cool.”

He disappears down the hallway. Jonah turns to Amy.

“See you at work, Amy. Enjoy the game.”

“Hey, you’re not gonna stay and play, too?” She can’t keep the disappointment out of her voice.

“I’ve been trying this new mindfulness app and it stresses the importance of a healthy sleep routine, so I’ve been attempting to meditate and do some yoga every night. Have fun, though.”

The thought of him doing downward dog tickles her. “Will do.”

He appears to be debating with himself, twisting his fingers in his hands. Then he walks over to her. For a heart-pounding second, she thinks he’s going to kiss her, but then his arms are around her and she can feel his heart beating in his chest, strong and reassuring. She stiffens but then puts her arms around him, too, relaxing into the embrace. It’s nice, a little _too_ nice, especially when he’s stroking soothing circles into her back that somehow calm and electrify her all at once. His own back feels firm beneath her fingers, and she realises they’ve never done this before. Now that she has experienced a Jonah hug though, she can’t understand how she ever went a day without one.

He pulls away first, with bright eyes and blooming cheeks, but he’s actually looking at her properly, and that’s progress.

“What was that for?”

He bites his lip; the action fascinates her.

“I just missed you, that’s all.”

She feels heat flood through her, and she’s sure she’s blushing too.

“You see me every day at work, though.” She can’t help but be charmed, however.

“You know what I mean.”

She does.

“I missed you, too,” she allows herself to say and they are smiling goofily at each other when Garrett returns.

“Okay, so chips and dips, as promised, and you got the beers – great. Let the battle commence!”

The moment is over but the memory of being held by him lingers, warms her from the inside out. Jonah slips away to his room but she can still feel him around her, feel his heart as it beat steadily against her chest. She doesn’t think the sensation will ever quite fade away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it! Go me! This is longer than I wanted it to be but editing was hard - so much dialogue (maybe too much). There will be one last chapter to wrap everything up though, fingers crossed!


End file.
